How to respond to a narcissist? Things narcissistic mothers say
11 Typical and common things narcissistic mothers say are:
1. Things to always make the conversation about herself.
2. Statements about your achievements to others but not validating or giving you credit.
3. Comments that make you feel bad for not doing what she wants immediately.
4. Lies to make you feel anxious and lower your confidence.
5. Exaggerations to guilt trip you by boasting about how much she does for you.
6. Anything ruthless and unforgiving so she can be in control.
7. Unnecessary comments to compete with her children.
8. Boastful remarks to take credit for her children’s success
9. Manipulative demands to their children. Trying to control how they should behave, act, and what decisions to make.
10. Statements to shut you down, shut you up, and shut you out.
11. Hurtful and insensitive things to get an emotional response from you.
Read more about the signs of narcissism in our article “Telltale Signs of a Narcissist”.
Two types of narcissistic mothers
1. Ignoring narcissists
Some narcissistic mothers are so self-absorbed, they end up ignoring their children. Ignoring narcissistic mothers show little to no interest in their children’s lives. Certainly, they view their children as a threat. As a result, they choose not to put an effort into their development and growth.
2. Engulfing narcissists
In contrast, engulfing narcissistic mothers are the opposite. They show obsessive involvement in their children’s lives. For example, they see their children as an extension of their own selves. So, they force their own identity on their kids. As a result, then they become frustrated when their child deviates from it. To clarify, these kinds of mothers do not have boundaries. In short , they have a very difficult time separating themselves from their children.
Things narcissistic mothers say are as predictable as they are telling. But, the things narcissistic mothers say will tell you everything you need to know about her.
How to respond to a narcissistic Mother?
The best way to respond to a narcissist is to not respond at all. Completely ignore them. Unfortunately we know that it is not always possible, especially when it comes to your own mother.
So, we researched and put together what we found on how to respond to a narcissistic mother.
1. Step number one is to breathe and respond with dull emotion or no emotion at all. Be unmoved, unopinionated, uninteresting, and uninterested. This will also help you stay calm.
Do not forget to breathe. You’ll have to make sure you respond and not react.
Try as hard as you can not to react if they try to pick a fight or gaslight you. Gaslighting is when someone tries to make you doubt your own reality. Narcissists are notorious for this.
Narcissists are addicts of your emotional response. Its what fuels them and keeps them going. They feed off your reaction which is why they try and trigger you in almost every interaction with you.
This happens because they’re desperate for approval and attention. Hence, they use your emotions to mask their feelings of unworthiness and emptiness.
The verbal and emotional abuse is real. No doubt, they try and make you look like your the crazy one because of your reaction to them.
Reactive abuse makes you look like your the bad one here. Consequently, this happens when you react to their abuse and now you become part of the problem. Then they point toward the way you reacted and act like they did not do or say anything. Abusers love to create those kinds of situations.
2. The best way to respond to a narcissistic mother is with honesty. Honesty is a curve ball to a narcissist game. Let gravity work for you when you respond with something like, “that’s not true”. Another curve ball they have a hard time with is, “there is no excuse for that kind of behavior”.
Focus on the facts. Narcissists love to impose their opinions on others and they think they are always right. Opinions are faulty but the facts are always the facts.
Use proof if you have proof but remember to stay calm. Truth tends to boil a narcissists blood when it goes against their own thoughts..
If you speak with honesty, and do not engage, they get shook and quite thrown off. This is because their view of reality is so distorted. To clarify, they can’t fathom any alternative perspective other than their false reality.
3. Then most effective way to respond to a narcissistic mother is to set boundaires. This keeps them from imposing and extending their false realities toward you.
Set boundaries through statements such as;
“I don’t see it that way.”
or “I disagree.”
and “I don’t take responsibility for that.”
“That’s your opinion.”
It is important not to engage in either arguing with them or defending yourself. If you do, it provides confidence to the narcissist’s false reality.
If the narcissist persists, “We simply disagree,” will give you an exit to the conversation.
4. Respond by changing the subject.
If you are up to it, try and say complimentary words to them. Narcissists love compliments about themselves. Talk about something that involves them. They always want to be the center of attention. In other words, they think the world revolves around them.
No need to go on the defensive or start explaining yourself. Remember explanations for manipulators are invitations to keep intruding on your boundaries. In addition, the more information you give a narcissist, the simpler it is for them to control you.
Keep in mind the only reason they’re picking at you or a certain subject is to manipulate you out of your boundaries.
In conclusion, accept and let it go. Try to accept her narcissism is an established pattern of beliefs and behaviors. Always remember this is not your fault. Her hurtful words and actions come from your mother’s problematic personality. They are more than likely not true about you and you don’t deserve abuse in an inconsiderate manner.
You are not alone in this matter. You may feel alone but the reality is so many of us have grown up with narcissist mothers.
Has having a narcissistic mother turned you into an introvert? Show your support. Check out out our introvert clothing shop.
What is the worst thing your mother has told you? Let us know in the comments.
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